If you want to help someone, there’s one trick above all (that will undoubtedly get at least one chapter in Skillful Means):
Just love them.
In my life, I’ve never been able to hold onto anger, or sadness. Even if I try to, even if I try to hold a grudge so that I will not be taken advantage of again, it slips from my fingers.
I’ve come to realize that it’s love that does that. The last few weeks have reminded me that enough love, skillfully and patiently expressed, can purge our systems of the negative.
This may sound like some hippy-dippy bullshit, but it’s the teaching of almost every world faith. It’s the secret and unifying factor that united Jesus, the Buddha, Mohammed and Socrates.
Love is too big to let anything else fit. Anger, sadness, jealousy… When our hearts are joyful and filled with love, the bad can’t hold on.
And the magic of it is that, when we let others experience it, when we share it without censorship and without struggle, they can have their own problems rise to the surface too. Their own anger, their own self-loathing, their own fears, can be reflected.
The Omega principle of Rejara Contante’s Principium Cavalliero Errante in Steam Saint is, “When in doubt, discard all rules and simply love”.
It can be so difficult to tell people, whether it be privately or publicly, that we care about them. It’s especially difficult for men. That’s one of the reasons I try to encourage men to embrace the alternate (and classical) masculinities of knighthood, of superheroes, of the white hat cowboy: All those archetypes include the ability to not only love but to express it. The theme song from Rawhide states, “My heart’s calculatin’ / My true love will be waitin’ / Be waitin’ at the end of my ride”.
But it’s exactly in those awkward moments that it is the most important to say it.
So, if you’re worried about how someone else is doing, find a way of showing them how much you appreciate them. You’d be amazed at what chunk of samsara you can knock loose.